The Fallen Angel

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This is the one place I can be myself. A look inside my broken mind. I'm not really depressed or anything, just a little broken and lost.

Stop pushing me away.
Every time something bad happens in your life, you shut me out. You barely ever tell me what’s wrong, saying that you can’t tell me or whatever.
But when I’m sad or something’s wrong in MY life, you insist that I have to tell you and when I don’t, you get mad.
I’ve been there for you this whole time. The last time you shoved me out of your life, I couldn’t think or see or breathe anymore.
But i never blamed you. I still don’t. I couldn’t. I love you far too much for that. I took on the pain alone and closed in on myself.

I almost started to cut.

I stopped eating.

I stopped talking to my friends.

I broke down every night on the floor, shedding invincible tears because I had already shed too much.

I blamed all of it on myself, and on the fact that I wasn’t good enough for you in the first place.

And then you came back.
Saying sorry and I hated myself for letting you back in my life. I still hate myself for letting you stay. You keep pushing me away still. You didn’t learn. But I’ll never tell you any of this. I’ll suffer alone and maybe cave in on myself again. But I love you too much, and I hate myself for that.

palerism:

i feel so stupid because i miss you and i know you don’t miss me